written by billie. ( 31 ) minors & overall weirdos ( you know what i mean ) dni. THIS IS NOT A SPOILER FREE BLOG!i’m well aware that people are not aware of jason pargin’s book series. so, obviously, everyone is going to get spoiled. this blog will be horror heavy as john comes from a interdimensional horror comedy series. 21+ for mindfucked content.
𝙄𝙏'𝙎 𝘼𝙇𝙒𝘼𝙔𝙎 𝙎𝙐𝙉𝙉𝙔 𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙇𝙋𝙃𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀𝙎 - trigger warning for : sexual themes, violence, and alcohol mentions.
“did you have a good relationship with your father ?? me neither.” “guys guys guys !! i’ve got some news, some terrible news.” “i botched that one.” “well excuse me for being the most terrible man on the planet.” “this doesn’t represent me, though.” “you are too much today.” “this is why we had to wait for you to go to bed bath and beyond ??” “i know the academy as well as anyone.” “anyway, i started blastin’. bam !! bam !!” “well maybe you shouldn’t dress like a bumblebee, bitch.” “can we get back to talking about the plan ??” “i know it was working, the whole god damn thing was working.” “i biffed that one, huh ??” “and you know how great i look in leather …” “comin’ in here talking about how in love with my thighs you are.” “i think you’ve taken to wearing my clothes.” “goddamn you !! it’s not about you !!” “don’t make me do it, i will slice you in half !!” “go to bed ?? what are you forty ??” “you think a pirate lives in there ??” “yeah he doesn’t even like, get us man.” “i eat stickers all the time dude !!” “i will smack your face off of your face.” “i’m eating because i’m very uncomfortable.” “you beer, me trash.” “now i’m here. i’m past where i thought i could go.” “you are going to love it. it’s so good.” “i used to be a cool guy, ya know.” “your hair looks so small.” “the boys are out tonight, huh ??” “would you like a rice krispy treat ??” “ooooooh … shit.” “it’s called compassion, dickheads.” “prepare to experience sexual magic.” “now, what do you think about these suspenders ??” “so you … do you ever eat cheese ??” “bro that is badass.” “you know what it is, bitch.” “everybody’s dying bitch, let’s get you some fruit.” “oh whoops, i dropped my monster condom that i use for my magnum dong.” “i’m not drunk … i’m more s-sober than i’ve ever been in my entire life.” “i do backflips every single day of my life.” “what is your spaghetti policy ??” “the thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds !!” “reason will prevail.” “will you just take this seriously ??” “i’m the queen of the night !!” “some cocks can’t be unsucked.” “i drink it every morning so i can fight like the crow.” “you light one bitch on fire and everyone freaks out.” “been there … not physically.” “alright now that that’s settled, now we can have a normal conversation.” “there’s a spider in my ear.” “i have contained my rage for as long as possible, but i shall release my fury upon you like the crashing of a thousand waves !!” “begone vile man !!” “i am untethered and my rage knows no bounds !!” “no i don’t eat dragon because it’s not a meal for peasants, and it’s a meal for kings.”
john and dave are equal but inverse forces of absolute chaos held in homeostasis by each other’s orbit. without each other one would explode and the other would implode. they would end this and maybe many other realities.
amy is there because someone has to eat snacks and be right all the time. its the most important job and she does it immaculately.
